Have you ever found yourself stuck in a situation that no longer really suits you, but you refuse to leave?
Why do people, while knowing that they are living in a mediocre, fool themselves that they do not.
What’s that that keeps people away from change, from improvement, from growth?
Is it the fear that this is the best we can get in life?
Is it the safety of our comfort zone?
Or is it an illusionary idea of our beautiful old life which we hope we could relive and we refuse to let go?
Fear that what we already have is the best we can get:
Does it all come down to confidence at the end of the day? Is it our lack of confidence and the disbelief that we are better than what we already have that traps us in an unfulfilling life? Are we prisoners of our own insecurities? Well, yes. Imagine if I could guarantee you that if you give up on that job that you do not really like, you will soon find your dream job; or if you give up on that relationship that does not fulfil you anymore, you won’t feel lonely but instead you will be able to learn yourself better and develop enabling you to attract the partner that is best for you, wouldn’t you give up on all those things that keep you unfulfilled then? If only we could be confident enough to give ourselves the value it deserves and know our worth, then we would not compromise a moment for a mediocre.
Safety of comfort zone:
How can in any way a mediocre be a comfort zone? This seems to me contradicting. In fact, a comfort zone, as its name suggests, is a place where people feel at ease, where they are calm, and their levels of stress are kept to the minimum. How can a mediocre make you feel at ease? How can you feel calm when you wake up every day facing a life you really do not like? How can you be in a state of comfort when you currently hate your job or the area you live or the people that surround you. If you want to live in a comfort zone make it at least a place where you are your best self and not a miserable version of you that compromises in the fear of change.
Hopeless nostalgic hope:
Have you ever caught yourself keep on checking old photos and videos and reminiscing about your “old good life”? Have you ever caught yourself wishing your life to go back to how it used to be? People may often stay in a situation that no longer serves them merely because it used to be ‘perfect’ in the past and they retain that hopeless hope that it can eventually get back to how it was. People often believe it’s easier to switch a current situation back to how it used to be in the past, rather than to completely change it to create a better future. But this is all hopeless hopes. Even if you do everything in your life just like you used to do it in the past, still you will never be able to bring the past back. This is because even if you keep everything constant in your life, your job, your apartment, your clothing, still one thing can certainly never be the same and this is the people in your life. People change day by day. And since the vast majority of our life is affected by the people that surround it, irrespective of how much you try to bring the past back you will never be able do so. Take for example yourself; today, you are not the same as you were yesterday, and tomorrow you will not be the same as you were today. Every extra day we live we experience something, either small or big, that makes us change, either to a lesser or larger extent, in a way. As life moves forward and days passes by our needs change and maybe what fulfilled us in the past no longer does. In this regard if you take your present self through that magic time machine and go back to that perfect time of your life you are so nostalgic about you may soon realise that it is not what you want anymore.
Moreover, often all this beautification of the past is an illusion that we create. Have you ever thought that maybe even at that moment, in which you are wishing your life to return at, you were not really fulfilled? If you try hard to genuinely remember how your life used to be you may realise that even at that moment you were not really happy or complete. Indeed, usually people tend to erase all the bad parts of their memories and retain a positive outlook of their life. This may be a trait we developed to survive. In fact, we need to have the reassurance that the choices we made were the right ones and in that extent the life we lived has not been wasted.
As cliché as it may sound the best way to deal with life is to live in the present. But when I say ‘live’ I do not mean to merely physically exist which is beyond our human powers to change indeed. But instead to think, feel and act according to the facts we have right now. You cannot live in the present but think and act according to how your life used to be five years or even five months ago. You cannot compromise in an unhappy situation because that exact same situation pleased you in the past. Take whatever you have now and act accordingly. If something that worked out in the past no longer suits you it is ok to let it go. The past has already been lived… it is indeed time for the present to take its lead.
Until the next time,
keep pondering
xoxo
Jo
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